I got curious about this typical psychological trait that has been seen in woman. This led me to interview few woman who belonged to open minded family but still went to marry stranger when they had option of marrying some one they knew.
Number one reason they cited was that since childhood they believe in sapno ka rajkumar concept. That one day some one would come , exclusively for them.
So it became major conflicting in their brains to go for some one they already know.
I asked people belonging to world of psychology , who are either students or interested in psychology and this is what they had to say.
I think Indian socialization process is the cause.
From childhood we are socialized and preached by our parents and ancestors and we believe what they say. we are not entitled to self thoughts and aspirations.
Indian women are majorly affected by this as they are given very less opportunities to speak out. So women have no choice to disobey their parents or elders than accept a stranger.
And in another sence we Indians are very attached to our relations and we love our parents. We respect our parents and belive that what they do is right for us. Even if we dos’nt like to do we accept for the love of our perents.
Infact now a days u can find a number of couple going for love cum arranged marriage (with a meager of love marriage as well)……….
But the main thing to be noticed is that here also the partner she choose is mostly a stranger…………..for eg. a boy from another college, or some one whome she regulary meets while travelling to her college or back to home……a co-worker…etc etc……
On the other hand……guys usually go for the girls, (consider for marriage) they knew from childhood………
And perhaps this is one of the main issue to be worked upon which could reduce a majority of break ups, dumps …etc etc
Do you think that only women choose? Even men choose strangers.
This is a peculiarity of traditional society, they choose somebody through agents and within their caste; so that in case of aftermarriage conflicts they would be on the safer side.
i agree with one of my friend that if you marry in your family it has many negatvie medical and social effects….like interfamily marriages result into the disable childern and if some clash occur among the two then it effects the whole family and it goes for a very long time….now the question that why psychologically they preffer to marry stranger….one thing stranger attracks you more in sexual terms than people nearer to you. another reason may be that people living near to you know about you very much….they know your weak points and other problems so you in order to avoid these things preffer strangers
I wouldn’t say kei it is a matter of preference… its our social environment which makes us choose strangers as life partners.
If we go back in time say 10/15 years ago the point of interaction between guys and gals of marriageable age were limited so love did not happen so very often. now with the changing mindset with girls becoming more outgoing co education financial independence we see a lot of love marriages happening where in the consent of the parents is also there. as for marrying a stranger we do not think twice about it cause that has been our way since time immemorial and then that bond of trust is always there which makes us put all our trust and faith in the hands our parents and we accept their decisions. and the parents also keep in mind the preference of the children so i guess marrying a stranger is not a big issue as u get to interact in the time between engagement and marriage. and by the time one marries he /she has a fair idea abt the person chosen.
We prefer to buy a maiden book and enjoy the reading process.
Most women don’t have the choice I think. And sometimes even when she does, it depends on the kind of relation she has with this “friend she’s known from childhood”. It could be that she’s grown to regard him as more of a brother-like figure. Me for instance…I have a friend practically since I was born and we’re quite close. I could never even think of marrying him because he’s more like an elder brother than anything else. It also maybe that the woman doesn’t want to spoil the relationship. I don’t know about others but personally I value friendship over marriage. So if I had a really really great guy friend I would try my hardest to keep it at that.
there is something strange i have noticed from other’s experience. even if girl’s are not forced or pressurized and given full freedom to choose, there usually pick the stranger than friends whom they know for years. funny.
may be they feel the so called ‘stranger’ may be betteer than her ‘friends’.
its not only the social side. its matter of personal choice too.
What I read about choice about opposite sex is :: women imagine that their child will become same as the guy they will marry. They look for the strength of genes of the guy they are going to marry. Mental ability is one such way that tells them to know the gene strength. Mans mental ability works as tails of peacock, the peahen chooses the peacock with more flashy tail.
Brain being the most complex part of human body, requires a lot of energy to develop and run, thus a good indicator of gene strength. So just like a peahen chooses a mate depending upon a flashiness of the tail of peacock ( which is an indicator of gene strength of them, because this tails too are metabolic ) , brain acts in case of humans.
It might be that they come to know about the abilities and limitations of the man they know, thus choose strangers.
simply beacuse indian women marry for their family and the society..not for them..most of them lead a hell life with the partner through out their life and feel proud of their great culture..
not only women bt also men hav 2 ….its been tradition in tis country n v cannot change them,let we take tis in positive way like happening nowadays,once a girl or boy s fixed for u ,converse wit him/her ,try to know about them,if it really not seems well,try to change him/her r ask ur parents 2 take some move or make ur parents 2 solve such or move out from tat affair ,no probs means marry him/her n enjoy life